If any of you got a rambling, incoherent, drunk-sounding text/call/voicemail from me last night I apologise as given my depleted credit it would appear I somehow wound up actually using my mobile in my sleep
. In my dream-self's defence, I was trying to tell you all (in particular lilka
) how hilarious the new Robin Hood movie was. Yes, the one that isn't even out yet
I do approve very much of the newfound discovery that Kevin Durand has been added to the tiny list of people my subconscious wants to bone and that he's the only entrant on said list I ACTUALLY REALLY FANCY. Christian Bale, you're cute and all but man, I could do without you turning up in my dreams. Kevin Durand, you are welcome to return, especially if you have an amusing tendency to turn up lit with bishie-sparkles like you're a Cullen or something.
I didn't get to finish the movie in my dream - I woke up when I couldn't put my phone on silent and my phone went off, making everyone in the cinema get angry at me, which unsurprisingly coincided with my alarm going off in real life - but here's what I remember:
* Russell Crowe!Robin angrily declared to a public gathering, "Long John is running this country into the ground! It's like Longshanks all over again" after failing to persuade Prince John that raising taxes was leaving the men and women of England starving, then stormed off into Sherwood Forest.
* Oh no! Guy of Gisborne (not the hot one) followed Robin and his men and when they wouldn't agree to take back what they'd said about Prince John's methods, ORDERED ALL HIS MEN KILLED (not the women, they just watched). Except for Robin, who got captured by Guy's troops. This bit was hilarious because they killed the little boys as well (WHAT BAD PEOPLE) and there were slow motion dramatic shots of how TERRIBLE this all was and I was crying
laughing while sending fumbled texts to lilka
all about this.
* I may also have made noises of the HEY HEY WTF variety because Little John got killed so I was left going NO SERIOUSLY WTF IS THIS SHIT because I was only there for Kevin Durand in the first place and more importantly you NEVER EVER KILL LITTLE JOHN OFF. EVER.
* Thankfully after Robin got carted off to be hung for treason, it turned out via the opening of Long John's bright pretty eyes it was ALL A RUSE and no one was dead, the wounds were just flesh wounds, shock and surprise
people, because Robin was a GRITTER or, um, knew the ways of grit. Either way, turned out Guy's men were on their side ALL ALONG and gave everyone shallow, non-lethal wounds where the bloodflow could be stopped with salt and grit 'cause Robin taught his men all about poultices and potions, dontcha know.
* Anyway, yes, so Little John woke up first and I cheered because LITTLE JOHN DIDN'T DIE AFTER ALL and because Kevin Durand is hot. The rest of the men woke up too, patched themselves up, and joined Little John (mmm) in heading off to rescue Robin, and then I got in trouble in the cinema because my phone wasn't on silent and I woke up.
I just know now whatever happens in the movie for reals now I will probably come out all "I am disappoint" because SERIOUSLY. THAT DREAM.