emeraldembers: (Default)
One of my dearest online friends recently asked in a post how to go about enjoying her own company, and after reading it, I kept thinking how I should make a post about why I don't particularly mind mine. Before I do this, however, I will note something fairly obvious but important; this is based entirely on my own experience, and it might not be of use to anyone else. Some bits might seem relevant or useful, other bits twee or outright wrong. This is just what works for me, and my main reason for talking out loud here is that if any one part of it is helpful to even one person, then it is worth saying.

i. Bearing your own company and forgiving yourself. )

ii. Enjoying your own company and accepting that you are worth loving. )
emeraldembers: (Default)
Roses are sometimes red
Sometimes yellow or white
Pink, orange or purple
Dull and boring, or bright

Most violets are violet
But sometimes they're quite blue
They vary in colour
In their shade and in hue

Of course, sugar is sweet
Like chocolate or honey
Like sleeping on silk sheets
And rolling in money

Then we come down to you
And I know that you're sweet
It's a statement of fact
So that poem is complete

But it's wrong to end there
For any love of mine
You're the best thing I've got
And you get just one line?

So when I look over
The list written above
At roses and violets
At these things that I love

It's clear that the story
Was missing a real end
Because sugar is sweet
But you're perfect my friend <3

(Guess who didn't sleep a wink last night)


Dec. 22nd, 2010 02:19 am
emeraldembers: (Default)
You know when you have a good, good, good long talk (say... 1 hour 36 minutes) with someone who just makes - who makes the very act of living easier?

If you don't, I hope you do someday.

I haven't felt this at peace in a long time. I love you Britta :). You are my epic girlcrush. <3
emeraldembers: (Default)
Reply to this post, and I'll give you a compliment and/or tell you why I'm thankful to be friends with you.
Then put this in your own journal, and spread the love. ♥


Sep. 26th, 2010 09:23 pm
emeraldembers: (Default)
Verdict on today; TOTAL AWESOMENESS.

First off, way more people turned up than I'd initially expected :D, some of whom were OMG SCARY GENEROUS in the donating department (I haven't had a chance to count up what we raised for MacMillan but I'll let people know the total ASAP), almost everyone got to take home something useful for them while still leaving a pile of clothes and goodies for charity, I've got spare fairy cakes to take into work tomorrow, mum made awesomeawesomeawesome food as she is wont to do, and I got to see many friendly faces both familiar and unfamiliar :D.

[personal profile] not_cynical, you are gorgeous and your mum is awesome and THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING! It was amazing meeting you at last and I can't wait to have a long natter to you one-on-one at some point. We have to see a movie and/or have dinner and/or have a DVD fest at one of our homes together someday!

[profile] fahrenheit_f430, see SCARY GENEROUS. You are epic.

[profile] llian, you are looking lovely and it was wonderful seeing you again, and I hope you're feeling better soon <3. Can't wait for our Halloween meal!

[profile] hathy_col, you are as ever a light of my life <3, hilarious and wicked-awesome, and your friend Jo is lovely and welcome around anytime she likes. My mum is still buzzing off your compliments on her cake. Speaking of which:

For interested parties - the recipe for Chocolate Fudge Cake )

And, as if all of the above awesomeness wasn't enough, we got a call off mum telling us she'd got back home and checked the answerphone messages - and one of her long-lost buddies had left his phone number for us on it! We haven't heard from him in nearly two years due to losing his number when he changed addresses, so the glee levels in this household are pretty much unprecedented at the moment. This is a very, very happy home.

ETA: £47.13 raised for Macmillan. Allow me to reiterate; you guys are AWESOME.
emeraldembers: (Sherlock - thinky thoughts)
This is a long, weird post. Just warning you all. Grab a cup of tea and a biscuit <3.

First off, a rec for one of the best things ever, and the inspiration for this post:

Harbor by [personal profile] irisbleufic; John/Sherlock, R/light NC17; sequel to Drowning Man, which was also fabulous.

This is the best story I have read in months. Possibly years. Your mileage may vary, everyone has different tastes, but I have never been happier with the use of emotion in a fic that I can recall - as I said, definitely not in months, and possibly not in years. And I read and adore (and I do mean adore) a lot of fic.

But there's a very real reason for this one, and it's weird and bizarre but true; it's because it's how I imagine (excepting for the specific circumstances, I'm scarcely a war veteran Doctor or a sociopathic consultant detective) my love story will finally go, should it happen, because I've almost been there before, with tensions lining up just right - unfortunately, it's yet to happen with someone I'm both attracted to and love as a person rather than an idea. It's that feeling of tensions lining up that [personal profile] irisbleufic absolutely nails, spot on. I hope someday I find the Sherlock to my John, or the John to my Sherlock.

Bizarrely, and completely unintentionally, that story just gave me a boost in my faith in love and eventually finding it, at a time when I've rarely needed it more. It's something where I can't really thank the author enough - or at all, because again, it was unintentional! Just a side-effect, one of those curious ones acting as proof that art and prose is always worthwhile because you can never, ever predict the effect one image or one set of words will have on each indivdual member of an audience.

~ ~ ~ Wavy lines time, it's a flashback to my not-quite-romances! )

So, yes; the long ramble and whole point to the post is this; sometimes I get a little lonely, and I wonder if I'll ever fall in love. If I'll ever know that feeling of wanting to be with someone, and knowing they want to be with me, and waiting for one of us to find the moment to act on it, and this time it not end in my realising I'm basically straight/am not in love with them, just desperately attracted to them/missing out on the chance to act.

And this fic gives me hope, really, really, silly hope, that someday all the waiting will be worthwhile. Benedict Cumberbatch is about nine years older than me, Martin Freeman about 14 ;), and if I have to wait nine years for my John or fourteen years for my Sherlock - well, damnit, it'll be worth the wait <3. Hell, I'm even looking forward to it again.
emeraldembers: (Default)
SO. It has been a dramatic 24 hours in a GOOD way.

After spending much of yesterday feeling rather sorry for myself I did a writing blitz and I think 10000 words may have been a conservative estimate for that Lucifer/Castiel fic I've been working on; 15000 words seems a little more likely now! I also caught up on Avatar: The Last Airbender and having got to the end of the Earth series I am now going OMG NOOOOOO YOU CAN'T END IT THERE OMG so no surprises for guessing the first thing I ordered with this month's paycheck.

And this month's paycheck has gone towards good, good things. I saw Toy Story 3 again, the review of which will take up the bulk of the latter half of this post, and The A Team, which might as well have just been called The ASDFASDFASDFASDJFASDFASDASGUH Team because. Well.

1) Bradley Cooper - NNGK (no, I didn't see the appeal so much in The Hangover, but in this? Yeaaaaaah).
2) B.A. - NNGK.
3) Murdock - NNGK.
4) Patrick Wilson - NNGK.

And, of course,

~Liam Neeson~.

I seriously considered running off for alone time about a third of the way into the movie. How one man can contain so much hotness without spontaneously combusting is beyond me.

Also, The A Team kink meme. I know it exists, Internet. If it doesn't yet, I just willed it into existence. Give me it. NOW.

The movie was hilarious and exploderific and my darling buddy [profile] fahrenheit_f430, a fan of the original show, adored it, so hopefully people who actually were into the A Team TV series will enjoy it too. I know I did!

After watching our double-bill of Toy Story 3 and The A Team, [profile] fahrenheit_f430 and I headed to a little cafe where there was a very rich if a little too intense for my tastes goat's cheese roulade, an incredibly delicious slice of pan-fried salmon, and a creme brulee, all served by a waiter who very, very flatteringly seemed to fancy me. A LOT. I'm normally captain oblivious to these things but he was over at our table almost twice per item served, listening very intently to our thoughts on the movies we'd just seen, and inquiring as to what we would be up to tonight. And, I think, trying to look down my top a little XD (in all fairness, it wouldn't be difficult - the blue top I wore out today is very low cut).

The conversation itself was hilarious, and while my best contribution was the description of mead as a "liquid suspension of awesome", [profile] fahrenheit_f430 wins forever for drifting off when I mentioned the possibility of switching in a Hannibal/Face* relationship and she said in response, "plans aren't the only thing I love when they come together".

And while I should be finishing my Casfest fic, at the moment every time I sit down to work on it, I find myself severely distracted by a need to write Sherlock porn. Benedict Cumberbatch, what have you done to me?

All that said though, it's time to try and coherently talk about Toy Story 3, and I think I'm finally prepared to do so - and then return to writing because OMG SO MANY DELICIOUS COMMENTS BUT SO LITTLE TIME, and I need to sleep tonight. Rest assured, the delicious comments will give me reason to continue breathing through work tomorrow when I'm not getting a verbal spanking for daring to phone in sick yesterday (you know, on account of being crippled with stomach pains; thankfully said stomach pains appear to have been successfully vomited away).

Toy Story 3 and the nature of love. )

And this promise I'll make outside of the review, because it counts for everyone, under every possible circumstance. I'll love as hard as I can as often as I can until the day I die, and while I don't know if there is a Heaven or not, I certainly hope there is. Because God willing, I'd like to love you all even after.

P.S. If you don't tear up during Toy Story 3 at the end then the above is obviously null and void because you have no soul. ;)

* P.P.S. Hannibal/Face may make sense to some, I'm just in it for the prettiness of a Bradley Cooper character and a Liam Neeson character getting it on. I continue to reserve the right to be shallow every once in a while.

ETA: P.P.P.S. Having just looked at my face in the mirror I am extra flattered by the waiter who fancied me because today I am spotty from having epilated, my moustache has grown in a fair bit (I'm still too much of a wuss to epilate more than my chin and neck), and my eyebrows haven't been seen to in the better part of two months. The fact I am apparently still attractive to someone despite this will having me :D-ing for weeks.
emeraldembers: (Default)

It's a yellow/white snap dragon, and it grows out of a crack in the stones at the Albert Dock. Even if it served no other purpose in the world than to be a completely random, utterly beautiful example of nature going "hi, I'm still here, screw you", I would love it.

The move into our flat is going well so far, and I'm surviving without broadband access at home (thank goodness I at least work for an Internet provider so I can browse a bit during the day), and what's really funny is that even though it's not a huge decrease in the amount of broadband I use day to day, it's enough to take a little step back and look at what I do online, and look at the people I talk to.

And God, I love you guys. I might not be doing a huge amount with my life but I'm happy with it for the most part and I owe an awful, awful lot of that to you all. Whether I talk to you a lot or barely at all, whether we're fandom-only or real life friends, I love you. I love you when you're happy, when you're sad, when you're furious, when you're amused. When I've argued with one or two of you I might not like you for a little while afterwards but that's the fun of diverse opinions and love pretty much always wins out in the end.

You are an amazing, amazing group of people, and I'm stunned to think about how lucky I am to know you all. Every last one of you.
emeraldembers: (Default)
I love my mum. There are no words for how much I love my mum, it's just one of those things, because my family is pretty amazing and if I grow up to be half the person she is, I'll be happy.

I woke up after mother's day to this on my pillow (one of my pillows, anyway, I have like five because I nest):

Mother's Day 2010

Dear Louise,

Thankyou for a fantastic mother's day. I loved my presents. The hand cream is exactly what I needed and thankyou for the excellent meal. It could not have been better in the best of best restaurants. But most of all, thankyou for being you. You make me smile and feel warm inside when I look at you. Never change from being the wonder you are.

Love mum.

P.S. It was phenomenal

I cried. Anyone who ever wonders why I love humanity in general? She's pretty much the reason.
emeraldembers: (Default)
Reply to this post, and I will list three things I love about you. Maybe more than three. Then you can repost to your own journal and spread the love - we all need love.
emeraldembers: (Default)
[profile] kitchensexslave!

Key features: Wedding ring
Fandoms: Supernatural
TL:DR version of forthcoming squee: You're my wife now Dave!

Why I love Kitchensexslave: )
emeraldembers: (Default)
[livejournal.com profile] not_cynical!

Key features: Belated but always thoughtful comments, fandom whoring, collaring me when I'm in fandoms I shouldn't be XD.
Fandoms: Watchmen, Stargate: Atlantis, Petshop of Horrors, Final Fantasy X, Doctor Who, Legacy of Kain, Kingdom Hearts, BASICALLY EVERYTHING.
TL:DR version of forthcoming squee: [livejournal.com profile] not_cynical is a fiesty wench. JUST BECAUSE.

Why I love Not_cynical: )
emeraldembers: (Default)
[personal profile] loneraven!

Key features: Epic smarts, impeccable grammar, actually interesting politics, sodding awesome writing
Fandoms: Star Trek, Doctor Who, Good Omens, Harry Potter
TL:DR version of forthcoming squee: Zombies would have a field day over here because ZOMG BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINS

Why I love Loneraven: )
emeraldembers: (Default)
[profile] zephyrian!

Key features: Sexy! Killer trucks! Hypnoboobs! <- in other news, that's a B-movie I'd pay to see.
Fandoms: Supernatural, Doctor Who, Star Trek
TL:DR version of forthcoming squee: Zephyrian's milkshake brinds all the boys (and girls) to the yard.

Why I love Zephyrian: )
emeraldembers: (Default)
[personal profile] avashida!

Key features: Enthusiasm, vampires, sparkles, glitter, magic
Fandoms: Twilight, Supernatural, Kingdom Hearts, Stargate, soon to be Legacy of Kain :D :D :D
TL:DR version of forthcoming squee: I want to live in Avashida's head for at least a year.

Why I love Avashida: )
emeraldembers: (Default)
[personal profile] redrobin!

Key features: EXTREME
Fandoms: Watchmen, Star Trek, Supernatural, Metal Gear Solid, Twilight, every comic book like ever or something
TL:DR version of forthcoming squee: FUCK YOU LOWERCASE, FUCK YOU RIGHT IN THE EYE

Why I love Redrobin: )
emeraldembers: (Default)
[personal profile] eternalwings!

Key features: Brothercest, epic fanvids, surprise!BNF, tennis love
Fandoms: Final Fantasy VII, Heroes (before it sucked), Doctor Who, Star Trek

Why I love Eternalwings: )
emeraldembers: (Default)
[profile] kaeilaspn!

Key features: Cuteness, bit-part character love, epic taste in movies.
Fandoms: Supernatural, Star Trek.
TL:DR version of forthcoming squee: Awwwwww!

Why I love Kaeilaspn: )
emeraldembers: (Default)
[personal profile] nyxmidnight!

Key features: Rare pairings, crack pairings, lolcats, l337 rp-ing skillz.
Fandoms: Devil May Cry, Megaten, vaguely Supernatural.
TL:DR version of forthcoming squee: Nyx is Chuck Norris.

Why I love Nyxmidnight: )


Apr. 4th, 2009 10:05 pm
emeraldembers: (Default)
I love you!

Seriously though :), although the article only suggests saying "I love you" and doesn't require any other thought, I want to give it some. When I was growing up and new to LJ I used to go off on one quite a lot about my adoration of the people in my life; sometimes in a funny way, sometimes in a weepy way, sometimes in an over the top soppy way, and always in an inevitably cringeworthy way because, well, I was a kid, I was hormonal, and I was head over heels in love with my friends and not always especially coherent or eloquent about it all. Not that I'm much better now.

Anyway, yes.

With roughly five exceptions, my flist is a fannish thing now where I don't actually interact with anyone from it in real life. Some of you I've known for years, some since last week, some on/off as you've left LJ and come back and left it again and come back again.

I'm not going to go too deeply into it, but the fact is I was raised in a Christian household and continue to be a Christian to this day. And while I certainly don't believe Christians have dibs on love or any special insight into it, the way I was raised did shape my life so that the entirety of my moral structure is based around love, or how I perceive it.

I think that love - real love - is that gut instinct that makes you want to do good, and to be good. The gut instinct that lets you know it's wrong to hurt someone, wrong to steal; that makes you feel that sick twist in the pit of your stomach when you know you did something to upset someone needlessly. The gut instinct that makes you happy when the people you love are happy; that makes you feel warm when you've done something good for someone.

Love is the invisible cuddle you feel when you've given a stranger tissues and a shoulder to cry on.

By that logic, loving someone is doing or wanting to do things for the people around you that give you that same invisible cuddle. It's wanting to be there for people and to do things that make them happy, even if that thing is as silly as teasing them IN ALL CAPS or sighing dramatically alongside them at how gorgeous a character is or writing them porn for no real reason other than that you know they'll enjoy it.

And that being said, I can now also say that I love you, the daft, wonderful, epic lot of you, and rest comfortably assured that I mean it, and I wouldn't have it any other way.


emeraldembers: (Default)

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