Oh dear.

May. 27th, 2011 08:44 am
emeraldembers: (Default)
I don't know how many of you have seen Pirates of the Caribbean 4, but I woke up this morning utterly convinced I was in charge of the Spanish. It took me a few good minutes to convince myself that I had to get up and go to work.

More importantly, and the reason why I am making this post; oh my god, yesterday at work was brilliant.

First I had a call from our complaints team, who seemed unusually giggly all things considered, and was told, "Now, try not to laugh at this one, but..."

A Sky customer had called in to complain because a Virgin customer on their road had made their their wireless network name - broadcast to all and sundry who can pick up wireless networks in the area by default - something a tad, er, inappropriate. "I love big black cocks". Yeaaaaaah, I laughed.

Second, I had a call from a customer whose wireless adapter was knackered, so I figured it was worth grabbing hold of the computer manufacturer for her to see if it was cheaper getting them to fix it or taking it to the shops to get fixed. She wasn't sure of the make, so I asked her to take a look at the tower and look for any label that could tell her the make or give her a clue - "Like Dell, HP, E-Machines..."

She went quiet for a bit, then replied, "DVD!".

OH. And. Almost forgot. My birthday is coming up on June 16th, and to be perfectly honest, I'm turning 26 which is a terribly boring number with very few factors and thus I have no real plans for it. What I would love though, to bits and pieces, is very shallow and very silly, and it's the simplest thing in the world.

I would love letters from any of you who have the time to write them and means to send them. I love snail mail so much, I treasure every letter I've ever received from a friend (flisties included), and it would alleviate the guilt of asking for presents when it isn't Christmas. If any of you are up for it and don't have my Aintree address, just let me know <3!

Although I would not object to any Thor merchandise because I have a problem. *cough*
emeraldembers: (Gen - rainbows and smiles)
At the moment when it's quiet in work I get to go off the phones and answer emails instead, which is marvellous in general, even if most customers think "phone not working" or "no internet" is a detailed description of their issue.

I get to a particular set of emails where a customer announces their problem very politely, albeit in all caps, before finishing:

"IM TRIPPING OVER MY BEARD IN RAGE. MUCHAS GRACIAS JUAN".

The customer was a woman. Her name was not Juan.

As with all emails we answer, I had to check if she'd emailed us since that point with any updates on the situation.

She had.

"bonjour , please ignore last email as i have sorted it out myself . amazing what you can do with a tampon , 4 of clubs , next door neighbour's poodle and a picture of bobby davro these days . cheers"

I couldn't answer the email for five minutes because every time I read it I froze up giggling, before I finally sent the traditional reply thanking her for the update and expressing the company's pleasure that her services were all now working.

I couldn't resist adding "I do hope the neighbour's poodle is recovering nicely", though.
emeraldembers: (Elizabeth - tea)
My patience is being tried again.

Dear customers of the world; if you are going to be snarky at me, don't be snarky at me if your broadband isn't working because you haven't got your goddamned power adapter plugged into your router. Turning your equipment on helps it to work.
emeraldembers: (Jake - tongue porn)
Today I had a customer whose first name was Brimstone. How awesome is that?

I also had a funny call where two guys kept passing the phone between themselves for diagnostics and at the end one of them grabbed it to say, "No, I, I just wanted to say I love you. Thanks, bye!", so I spent most of the afternoon giggling.

Thus far this evening I am not disappoint, especially given I just worked out this weekend I'm finally, finally free to do whatever I want on Saturday; my intentions largely revolve around free nachos, writing (my goodness do I need to catch up), and Sam Worthington's thighs. By which I mean Clash of the - oh, who am I even kidding, the movie should just be outright named "In which Sam Worthington has thighs and they are awesome". Not that Sam Worthington doesn't have other awesome assets, I adored him in Avatar where it was all about the just as yummy upper body in his human scenes and I adored him in Terminator: Salvation where he was covered up, not to mention the fact the guy can act and that is attractive, but. Come on. DELICIOUS MAN THIGH.

And while I'm at it, that handwriting meme: )

*headdesk*

Mar. 19th, 2010 03:48 pm
emeraldembers: (Top Gear - failing with style)
Dear self;

When a chair at work has a sign on it saying "DO NOT USE - FAULTY"
and you're curious as to what the fault is
and you decide the best method of finding out would be to sit in said chair
and fall off onto the floor when the seat pops off beneath you
and wind up with a bruised bum and a bruised ego

YOU HAVE ONLY YOURSELF TO BLAME.

Oh god XD

Mar. 5th, 2010 08:20 pm
emeraldembers: (Gen - rainbows and smiles)
Okay, okay, I'm not too happy with the fact I'm stuck late in work today, but everything is forgiven because were it not for this late stay I would have missed the most glorious thing I've ever witnessed.

We've got a bunch of balloons around work at the moment promoting NPS (it's basically a system where our customers get emailed forms after calling in to ask how they felt they were treated, etc) and one of the lads took down a balloon and inhaled it.

And then got a call.

"Hi, you're through to Steve, how can I help?" doesn't sound quite as professional on helium, it must be said.

XD

Diplomacy!

Feb. 26th, 2010 05:18 pm
emeraldembers: (Castiel - wink wink nudge nudge)
Just had a customer on the line - a sweet little old woman who was borrowing her son's computer - and we were doing a speed test by saving a file from our test servers to the computer, seeing how fast it downloaded.

And she just pipes up quietly when choosing where to save the file to, "Naughty Allie, Shelly's First - I don't think I'm supposed to be in this folder."

XD

... WHAT

Jan. 26th, 2010 10:25 am
emeraldembers: (Default)
One of the guys on my team at work just received the best email ever received from any customer ever.

Ever.

"As well as this quite randomly last night I went in my front room to find that my interwebs had fallen out of the computermebob and I can't find them anywhere, and the picture box isn't showing any flicker shows either, so i've lost both of these as well as the ring-dinger not ring-dinging.

The modem has all of it's lights flashing quite quickly and randomly that led me to suspect it was taking some time out to enjoy a little rave so I sat in front of it with a whistle and some glosticks waiting for the laser show and generic Scooter tune but neither appeared, so i'm now unsure if these lights mean it's having a silent disco or just waving to get my attention.

The picture making box attached to the tele shows a pretty Virgin media logo when it's not flicking between black and slightly less black screens, and the front bit keeps saying AP- *random number*. At first I thouhgt this may be a countdown to something spectacular, then I realised the numbers are not in sequence, jumping from 35 to 52 like some vaudeville numerical rebellion.

I have tried a few little tricks I use when my pet rats aren't doing what I want them to and sat in front of the box with a piece of cucumber held out in front of it and gently cooing "it's ok darlin....come one". Needless to say this has proven a fruitless endeavor.

Could you please advise the best course of action as I fear if this situation is the same when I get home, with no interwebs and no flickershows, I might be forced into a conversation with my flatmate, and neither of us want that to happen

Thanks in advance"

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