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[personal profile] emeraldembers
Title: Yes
Fandom: Supernatural RPF
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: R
Word Count: 1771
Summary: Jensen doesn't care if it's unprofessional for Jared to want him; he has opinions of his own.
Author's Notes: Originally written for blindfold_spn for the request nurse!Jared/autistic!Jensen. Mostly written because I didn't want anyone to misrepresent autism.



Jared's always found it easy handling people who are different. He grew so tall so quickly he had to - all the tall jokes, all the stares, he's used to it. And he gets some of the triggers autistic people go through, even though he won't pretend to feel them the same way they do; he always gets queasy at the thought of eating chicken, but he won't throw a plate across the room if the wrong food is on it, as sorely tempting as it is sometimes.

There are the more physical triggers too. Jensen won't let other people cut his nails or comb his hair even if he struggles to do the job himself, although he will at least consent to letting them wash shampoo out of his hair if he's left it soapy by accident. They just have to give him a towel to cover his face so he won't start screaming if any gets into his eyes.

It hasn't escaped Jared's notice that Jensen is absolutely beautiful, and it's nice to know he's at least working with a talker. Jensen certainly knows "No". He also knows when he's being deliberately stubborn; the fits he throws when Jared asks him to sit further back from the television so he doesn't hurt his eyes have nothing to do with autism and everything to do with being a brat.

In a way, it's like dealing with an adult who has the coping mechanisms of a child, and that's something else Jared can understand. Sometimes if Jensen's had a good day they'll share a whole tub of ice-cream between them despite the fact that Jared gets an upset stomach from the dairy and Jensen gets over-excited by the sugar. It's their little treat and it's how they first become friends instead of just a nurse and a patient.

When Jensen's stay at home nurse finally passes the job onto Jared, it doesn't take too long for Jensen to adapt; Jared makes sure to wake at the same time and go to bed at the same time the previous nurse did, and keeps the same boundaries as before. Jensen can come into his room anytime during the rest of the day, but once Jared closes the door himself, Jensen isn't allowed in.

Jared's wrists are covered in self-inflicted bite marks, but it isn't as if he can let Jensen hear him jerking off at night. It's about the only downside to the situation; Jared's a professional, and Jensen is out of bounds.



Wednesdays are movie nights, and the rules are easy enough; silent or foreign language movies if they're watching something in colour, anything non-violent if they're watching something black and white. It's a stimuli balance, and Jensen covers his eyes or ears and starts whining when he gets stressed so even if they follow the rules and come across something he can't cope with they can still normally settle him down quickly if they turn the movie off instantly. Jensen could watch The Ring, for example, but Amelie had him whining when the film showed scenes of her in a mask.

They're watching Harvey and laughing - Jensen loves Jimmy Stewart, says he has a 'good face' - when Jensen surprises Jared with something he isn't trained for. Jensen turns to Jared, reaches up, and strokes his cheek, smiling. Jared figures it's probably just a gesture of affection at first, if an inappropriate one, but Jensen's fingers shift to touch his lips, still smiling.

"Kiss me," Jensen says after a moment, and Jared freezes up. He doesn't need to reply because Jensen pulls his hand away sharply and curls up, hugging his knees, seeing rejection before it is ever spoken, and Jared's stomach twists in guilt.

Disbelief, too. He almost wonders if he dreamt it up, but Jensen wouldn't be hugging his knees otherwise.

"I'm sorry," Jared replies, and Jensen snorts angrily, waves him away, so Jared leaves to get drinks for them both instead.

Jared knows Jensen understands kissing and romance because he doesn't get puzzled by the films they watch - love makes a lot of sense to Jensen, as long as the two people in love get together.

It's the question of whether Jensen knows what love leads to that bothers Jared, and how right it would or wouldn't be to explain it further to him. He knows Jensen will have gone through the same thing as other guys, that he'll have had wet dreams and inappropriate erections, but while he's seen people with autism have perfectly happy relationships, he's also seen some get aggressive or upset when aroused because they can't know, don't know, or don't want to know how to cope with it.

It's a mess that he can't exactly seek outside help with, but he knows that if Jensen does want a kiss, even if he shouldn't allow it, it's something he wants in turn.

Jared walks back in with two plastic cups of water and says, "I'll kiss you if you brush your teeth first." It's as decent an excuse as he can think of for not kissing Jensen instantly, and any guilt he felt on saying it disappears quickly when Jensen grins at him, drains his cup of water and runs to the bathroom.



Jared should have known kissing Jensen would be the first step on a slippery slope for both of them, but at the same time, every step they take afterwards feels as if it's worth it. Jensen is a quick learner when he wants to learn, although Jared can't entirely resist the appeal of Hollywood kisses when Jensen drags him down and bends him over into them. It hurts his back a little, but it's worth it to see Jensen smile - and it's worth it for the feel of the kiss itself.

Jensen's lips are as soft and plump as they look, and Jensen goes with what feels right, not what he thinks is right, his tongue always curious and never choking.

Jared's guiltily thankful that Jensen isn't too fond of natural light as he suspects Jensen's neighbours would have something to say about the kissing if they could see through the window shutters.

Jared also knows the supervising nurses would have a word or two to say if they saw some of Jensen's more recent paintings, but Jared makes sure to take away any they might ask questions about, storing them under his bed at his parents' house and thanking Jensen for the 'present' every time he has to.

He doesn't really know how to ask Jensen if he knows about more or wants to do more, and it isn't exactly easy to think of movies that might help him out, so he simply leaves Jensen with a few books and hopes if Jensen wants to figure anything out, he will.



Jared doesn't expect to open his door to insistent knocking at six in the morning followed by being hit with a copy of Tommy's Tale.

"Idiot," Jensen snaps, and Jared figures that's that, kissing is as far as they're ever going to go.

He further doesn't expect to have completely misread Jensen, given that after hitting Jared with the book, Jensen decides to very firmly grab his ass while kissing him.

"My cock is yours," Jensen says afterwards, and Jared laughs, recognising the line from the book and glad that yet again Jensen has decided to show him there's a huge difference between being autistic and being a child.

"So is mine," Jared replies, ad-libbing, and letting Jensen come inside his room for the first time.



Stripping Jensen is easy and familiar enough, even with the completely different intent it has now, and after he unbuttons his shirt buttons and unzips his pants Jared lets Jensen shove his own clothes off the rest of the way. Jensen looks more pleased than proud with his handiwork and almost instantly bites Jared's chest hard enough to bruise once it's exposed, running his fingers over the mark left behind afterwards.

Jensen's not often a biter unless he's really angry, but apparently he's quite fond of it when aroused, and Jared just makes certain to cover his groin whenever Jensen's teeth wander a bit closer to areas they might do damage.



It's exciting to find out Jensen's already very, very familiar with masturbation, and even more so to find out he's unfamiliar with and happy to learn about oral. No 69-ing, Jensen might not like eye contact but he does like looking at other people's faces, but that's okay - Jared has to stroke himself off while he sucks Jensen's cock but it's more than worth it when Jensen's spoiled him so much already.

Jensen's more reactive than any girlfriend or boyfriend Jared's ever had before, completely unafraid of his own reactions, arching and bucking and clenching and making noises ranging anywhere from sexy to hilarious. It's more than Jared would ever have dared wish for, and Jensen actually lets him make eye contact as he comes for a moment before shutting his eyes and groaning loud enough Jared's half-afraid the neighbours will panic.

Jared licks his lips afterwards and grins, isn't surprised when Jensen immediately insists Jared brush his teeth instead of giving him a moment to finish jerking off, and when he returns from the bathroom both sated and a lot cleaner, he finds Jensen has wriggled underneath Jared's blankets.

Jared doesn't scold him, but he does throw Jensen's boxers onto the bed and insist he pull them on; if Jensen's determined to sleep there tonight, then Jared's determined to have an excuse if someone comes over to inspect the place. "He had a nightmare" might be a flimsy excuse, but it's an excuse. It'd be flimsier if they were caught spooning naked at the time.

"Have you brushed your teeth?" Jared asks as he slides under the sheets, figuring if he's going to be unprofessional in his relationship with Jensen he might as well stay professional in other areas, and Jensen snorts.

"Yes. I was going to kiss you."

Jared taps Jensen on the back of the head until he turns over to face him for a moment, and gives him a goodnight kiss.

Jensen is true to his word, teeth sparkling clean, and after he turns back over to let Jared spoon around him, Jared smiles against his neck and tries not to laugh.

Jensen's particular variety of logic works in both their favours sometimes. Jared almost wishes he could follow it completely.

But with surprises like this around every corner, he's glad Jensen is still unpredictable.

Date: 2012-01-30 08:35 pm (UTC)
ext_387759: Screengrab from "Turnabout Intruder", Spock prepared to meld with Janice who is really Kirk (Jared mistletoe xmas SPN)
From: [identity profile] janice-lester.livejournal.com
I like this. ♥

Date: 2012-01-31 01:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] emerald-embers.livejournal.com
Thank you! I was very attached to this prompt.

Date: 2012-02-01 04:10 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Very nice!

Date: 2012-02-01 04:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] emerald-embers.livejournal.com
Thank you :)!

Date: 2012-02-02 02:48 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
I liked that! Do you have more? ;-)

Date: 2012-02-02 03:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] emerald-embers.livejournal.com
Not at this moment in time, but thank you :)!

Date: 2012-02-02 04:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] silverraven.livejournal.com
Oh my, this was just lovely. Well done!

Date: 2012-02-02 03:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] emerald-embers.livejournal.com
Thank you very much my dear :)! I was quite proud of this for my first bit of SPN RPF <3.

Date: 2012-02-03 12:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] silverraven.livejournal.com
I had no idea it was your first SPN RPF fic. You did such a marvelous job! Extra kudos to you :D

Date: 2012-02-02 05:03 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wataru-kisugi.livejournal.com
I was wondering who wrote this absolutely stunning, wonderful story. I fell in love with this because it's just perfect.
Great story indeed!! *applause*

Date: 2012-02-02 03:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] emerald-embers.livejournal.com
Oh, thank you hon! *huge hugs* that is such a lovely compliment. I really did want the best for the boys out of this prompt so I'm glad you liked it :).

Date: 2012-02-08 01:19 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sandymg.livejournal.com
Whoa. That was wonderful. Clearly you have either direct knowledge or did your research. Read so very real. Boy this left me craving more. You've created lovely characters. There's a wealth of depth to be mined here if you so wanted.

Date: 2012-03-01 11:23 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] emerald-embers.livejournal.com
Thank you very much - it's a little of both :), I have a mild, high-functioning form of autism, and I've done a fair bit of research into autism as part of trying to understand more about how it works for different people.

It was really important to me to put across that Jensen being autistic didn't make him unable to think, it just made him think differently, so I'm glad you liked how the characters turned out in this! I struggle a bit writing things set in the real world so I can't really imagine expanding on this, but I'm flattered that you would like more <3.

Date: 2012-02-27 05:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] homo-pink.livejournal.com
It took me forever to find this but I'm so glad I did. I remember seeing this in the meme, dying accordingly, and then being too floored to leave a real comment.
The story suddenly popped into my head this morning and I just had to find it, hoping someone had claimed it so I could leave a proper comment.

And after a good hour of searching, here I am.

I don't even know what to SAY about it. It's beautiful, it's raw, it's real. It's everything I never knew I wanted to read about and then some.

The whole thing was perfect, just absolutely gorgeous but 2 of my favorite lines:

but that's okay - Jared has to stroke himself off while he sucks Jensen's cock but it's more than worth it when Jensen's spoiled him so much already.
Spoiled him ♥ I love how grateful Jared is and the way his mind works.

Jensen's more reactive than any girlfriend or boyfriend Jared's ever had before, completely unafraid of his own reactions, arching and bucking and clenching and making noises ranging anywhere from sexy to hilarious.
THIS LINE. God. Your way with words is beautiful to see. Just, so stunning.
I wish there was more of this, a whole book of this even. Your characters feel so real and brought to life and it doesn't feel made up in the least. This is one of those pieces I know I'll never forget ♥ ♥

Added to my memories, both on LJ and in my mind.
Edited Date: 2012-02-27 05:26 pm (UTC)

Date: 2012-03-01 11:28 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] emerald-embers.livejournal.com
I wish I could thank you enough for this comment but I'm not sure I have the words for it. If I could fly to where you are I would give you the biggest hug right now, because this is the sort of comment every writer hopes they will get someday <3.

It was so, so important to me to make the characters in this feel real - Jensen more so than Jared for me, in this - because when I saw the prompt I was worried that someone would do it wrong and confuse 'autistic' with 'stupid' or 'incapable'. My personal experience with a mild form of autism is that while it makes some things difficult, and as such can be rightly classed as a disability, many of what people see as symptoms are just different ways of thinking. I really wanted that to come across in Jensen in this, that while he does things that might be seen as odd, there's no doubt that he's a reasoning human being (and as such, capable of decision-making on his own behalf) with a personality.

Thank you so much for hunting this fic down to comment on it. You've absolutely made my month <3. *hugs*

Date: 2012-04-08 12:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ilovedoyle.livejournal.com
Hun, re-reading this I realised I had never commented - for which I wholeheartedly apologise, as this is fabulousness totally deserving of effusive praise!

Not a situation I would have considered; and yet it is bizarre how well in character it has remained!

Your writing style really is flawless - due to the few fandoms and pairings we share it is a rare oportunity for me to appreciate this. I must admit I am somewhat envious!

*hugs*

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